Not For The Life Of You
by justonekiss1628
Summary: A dangerous relationship takes a disastrous turn of events. How much will this affect them? How much will Hayley remember, & how much will he tell her? Can things ever be the same? Will they dare risk it again? What started out as a thrilling romance has ended much too soon. Will it be a story of success..or death? Teach/Stud, MOVED TO FICTIONPRESS.
1. The Wait After The Corner

**Hi guys so i know this will only have a couple of views but hey maybe it will grow. ****Please review this, this is my first fanficiton so i need** **areas to work on to get better etc and I'm open to ideas! Also please read on as there is gonna be a twist somewhere which even i dont know yet but woo anyway :DD**

**also for the silly people out there, this isn't a true story, This was an idea i had a few years ago when i did have a crush on a teacher, and i planned it in my head, and i was all 'why not share it' so here it is. Enjoy! :D**

Where was I? Oh yes, I remembered now. I was in the old chemistry lab, dark and musty with the dust of the tables, my head clouded – yes that was I how I recalled it.

My head was clouded, I had the beginnings of a headache, but at the moment, it wasn't terrible, but it still throbbed dully in the background. It was enough to be irritating. I could hardly concentrate on the thermometer long enough to take a reading. The glasses were all scratched right where I was supposed to see out of them and my eyes automatically focused on them. I desperately tried to focus on the experiment, I really tried, but it was hopeless.

'Two minutes and the temperature is?' Murmured Alex to me.

'I have no clue. I can't read it.' I sighed.

'Here,' Alex said, taking the thermometer. 'Thirty seven.' He eyed me suspiciously. 'Hay, are you alright babe?'

'No. I can't see a thing and I have a headache.' I said truthfully. Must be the first time I've ever actually told him any fragment of truth. I took my glasses off and put them – rather forcefully – on the table.

'Aw, don't worry babe, I'll do it for you.' He smiled sweetly, and went to kiss me on the cheek, which I narrowly avoided.

'Hey, guys, none of that in my class please. This is complex stuff you are doing and I'm sure a bit of acid on you would make that kiss a bit sweeter.' Mr Mason joked. My heart pounded and I felt blood rush to my cheeks within half a second. His eyes were the deepest, hypnotising blue. The contours of his body were covered by a flimsy light blue shirt. His ruffled, midnight black hair stood perfectly messy but tidy all the same. A dim smile lit his face with amusement at his own (however poor) joke. Beautiful. Gorgeously handsome, by any standards; an unusual characteristic for an A-Level Chemistry teacher.

'Think you'll find it will make it a bit sourer,' Alex joked back. I envied the way other people could joke around with him. I was just stuck as a monotonous fool around him, standing around uselessly.

'All the same, none of that in my class please. Hayley, can I have a word outside please?' My heart jumped and my pulse raced at the thought, my brain fired a million and one electrical impulses through my body.

'Yeah, sure,' I said dismissively. I followed him outside class and shot a fake _What-is-going-on?_ look at Alex. He shrugged flippantly and continued with his practical.

'Hay, is Alex harassing you? I see you two hanging about together a lot and he seems to always do inappropriate things in school. I'm sure you know what I mean,' said Mr Mason.

'Oh no, no it's not like that. I mean he likes me and he seems to think we are going out, but we are really not. It's fine.' His eyes were locked on mine the whole time.

'Is he giving you a bit of trouble? You seem irritated by him.'

'A little. Well, kind of a lot actually, it's just irritating. Anyhow, I'm not going out with him or anything, no matter what he – or anyone else – thinks.' I smirked.

'Glad to hear it.' Was he? Why? 'Single pringle, huh?' he suggested casually.

'Guess so,' I sighed. I was never sure if I liked the idea or not.

'You're a nice girl Hayley, you'll find someone. Meanwhile, well, I could say the same for myself.' He looked to one side momentarily, and I thought I saw remorse... or loneliness there in his face.

'You're single?' I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. What was wrong with the world? 'Really?'

'Honestly, really. I'm flattered you think that, but yes, I am single.' He sighed.

'Well I hope you find someone too.' I said. _Let it be me, let it be me..._ I prayed silently.

He straightened up from leaning against the wall so that he was a few inches taller than me. 'I hope I do too. In the meantime, you have your practical to do. Mind you, are you okay? You look a little faint.'

I closed my eyes. Why? Why couldn't I just go in and do the practical and just deal with the headache? I just didn't really want to.

'Sort of. I feel a bit faint, and I've got a headache as well. Plus that room stinks,' I laughed lightly. 'Anyone would have thought we were making stink bombs.'

He chuckled gently and smiled directly at me. I fought a full blown song and dance and grin and battled it down to a smile. I made him smile. The satisfaction wouldn't reside.

'To be fair, the solution isn't a million miles away from what is used for stink bombs, its ammonium hydrosulphide if you wanted to know, but you are right. It does stink in there, which is why I asked for a word out here.' He half smiled again and my heart stopped for half a second. I felt myself blush slightly 'Do you want to go to the medical centre?'

'Yeah, thanks,' I said thankfully.

'I'll bring your bags up there after class. Hay, you really don't look good. Do you want to go home? Sorry if that sounded rude.'

'No, it's okay, I look awful when I go pale. I'll be alright after an hour or so,' I summarised 'Thanks for offering to bring my bags up.' I smiled back.

'No problem, I'm kind like that.' He smiled yet again.

'I know,' I smiled back. I wondered if it was going to become a reflex.

'See you later then Hayley, hope you feel better later.'

I looked at the floor sheepishly, and all of a sudden nerves shook me again. 'Thanks, Mr Mason.'

I thought I saw his mouth move as if he was saying something, before I turned my back unwillingly to him and started down the corridor.

I didn't hear him go inside until after I turned the corner.

**BBAM so there it is, chapter 1...bam. How will the cover up go? Will he regret this stupid mistake, or does he actually feel something for her? A player, or a fool in love? All is explained...soon ;)**

**Thanks for reading, please give it a flick to the next chapt as things start to...erm...move forward? Next chapt is quite cute X3**


	2. First Kisses Of A Future

**Things are getting close now :D I couldn't wait to write this chapter. Could not wait. so I ddn't wait and i used my rare free time t get it out onto 'paper' as soon as possible, so here ya go guys, hot off the press stuff :) Enjoy :)**

I sighed, and smiled to myself.

So I was in there drifting in and out of sleep when I hear his unmistakeable voice come softly from behind the door. He came in and I couldn't help but peak through my eyelashes at him in all his glory and perfection. I began to wake up and I saw him looking at me as I woke. I saw he had something large and red in his hand.

'Hay, are you ok?'

'Huh? Yeah I'm fine, feeling a lot better now, thanks.' I stumbled like an idiot.

'Glad to hear it. I brought your bag – you know you really should have a more appropriate colour for school.' Mr Mason smiled mockingly.

'You know you don't believe that.' I teased. It was true though. Teachers didn't care what we did with our school bags, only the head teachers honestly cared.

'You know me too well Hayley, you're right. I don't believe that one bit. Although, besides, I did feel ridiculous carrying it around school to you.' He smiled again.

Mr Mason sighed, and looked at the wall, then back to me.

He looked at me for a while- and honestly- it burned me inside. I wanted to tell him everything, to hug him and kiss him, to throw my arms around him and tell him how much I loved him and never wanted to let go. Though how could I? Precious time alone and I was wasting it all. I knew the rules, and I knew it would be a stupid mistake if I ever let anything slip – both our lives would be indefinitely ruined. He knew by now anyway. I didn't need to tell him anything more.

I sighed wistfully.

'Do you feel a bit better now?' He asked.

'Yeah, actually, I think I might be able to stand up without collapsing.' I smiled, leaning upwards from my chair.

I'd barley straightened my knees before I almost fell over forwards. His hands pressed against my shoulders just before I shifted enough weight to actually fall flat on my face. His muscles flexed, exposed from his rolled up sleeves, my face dangerously close to his, though he was apparently oblivious to this.

Still oblivious to what I was feeling, and doubtless what he was doing, he offered out his hand reflexively and I let him take my hand to steady me as I tried to stand upright. The dizziness passed momentarily.

He breathed deeply, as did I.

We were both silent for a few increasingly awkward moments.

'Hayley...' he despaired.

'What?'

'Nothing. Are you sure you're okay now?' The tone of his voice dropped, so that it was hushed. His eyes were at their very deepest, most hypnotising, blue in the daylight that shone through the window; his hair took on a dark brown tint from the usual midnight black. He eyed me warily, or perhaps more concerned than wary.

I was barley in control of my body from that moment onwards.

'_Not_ nothing. Everything.' My brain lapsed momentarily, and before he could move away, the damage had been done. I had kissed him.

'Hayley, no, this is stupid...' he protested without an ounce of meaning in his voice.

I twisted my fingers through his tousled ebony black hair. He suddenly had me in his arms, and in one fluid, momentarily uncertain, movement he bent down and kissed me. His lips were gentle and warm against my own, both of our desires overwhelming us, a deeply passionate edge tainting the kiss. My head was spinning. I succumbed easily by the intensity and power of incomprehensibly strong emotions that I forgot everything. All I wanted was him now. One hand moved to the back of my neck, the other pressed against the small of my back. My hands moved to his ruffled midnight black hair and my fingers ran through the soft maze, holding him close to me: I didn't ever want to let go.

I let my mind wander as to what this meant, what would happen next, what my life could, would, be like with him. I saw nothing but perfection – this moment was ultimately everything and more, everything I'd ever wished for and more.

He pulled me closer, so tight, but not tight enough. All I could think about was what I could feel pressed against me. His body was soft and warm, almost fitted to mine, our lips moved in perfect synchronisation – and I'm no one for cheesy stuff – but it was almost as if we were made solely for each other. I was indisputably in love with him.

I pondered about how much time we had had, and how much we would have left. It was uncomfortable thinking about this moment ending, but it was inevitable.

I felt a single hand of his move to briefly touch my jaw line and then move again to trace the wild spiral curls that sprang wilfully from my hair. I essentially threw my arms around his toned muscular shoulders, before the pace of the kiss slowed and then his soft lips became altogether motionless. I reminded myself of what I had thought before, _it was inevitable_.

Both of his hands moved again to hold gently either side of my face and he pulled his face away from mine. I hadn't noticed I was crying until he wiped away my tears with his hand. I didn't know why – I was so indescribably happy. I pressed both hands lightly against his chest, and his hands shifted again to wrap around my waist.

'Sorry.' I mumbled into his chest.

'Don't be, it's me who should be sorry, what am I doing? Sick, perverted, twisted, masochistic...' he lifted his head slightly and shook it in disbelief.

'Sorry,' I mumbled again – he sighed quietly.

'How the hell can you be sorry?' he said, bewildered.

'I feel guilty,' I replied, I mean, of course I did, I could take away his job – his life – if anybody found out. A momentary lapse in all my trust and sensibility was all it took.

'Please,' he pleaded softly 'Don't say anything to anyone.'

'I won't,' I promised, and there was no way the binding, silencing power of this promise could be underestimated. He kissed my hair softly, it felt reassuring.

There was a knock on the door, and we froze.

'Music rec room, after school?' I begged him desperately.

'Hayley...' he despaired sounding reluctant.

'Please? There are no windows, it's sound proof and it has a lock.' I said quietly, sensing that he wouldn't need all that much persuading.

'Fine. OK. As soon as school has finished, though I don't like what you are thinking Hayley...' He frowned heavily.

I paused momentarily, taken slightly aback. 'Are you serious? No! Sheesh!' I whispered in incredulity.

'Good.' I wondered if he really meant it. Maybe. Maybe not.

'Thank you.' I said, and once more, he smiled against all of his will power.

Mr Mason excused himself out of the room swiftly, passing the nurse just entering the room, and the cover-up began.

Never in my life had I felt so good. So very indescribably fantastic.

**Okay now you know, they ****_do_**** get together! (oh oh oh what a jolly surprise ;) ) but there's still a lot for them to go through, as of course, it is a romance drama right? **

**AHHHH off to stretch my legs and have a coffee, methinks. Morning/evening/g'night all :)**


	3. The Letters Of Abelard And Heloise

English droned by slowly, each second dragged and lingered in time purposely, as if it was doing it just to annoy me. I pushed my hair back, then forwards again, feeling silly. The text was hardly irrelevant – The Letters of Abelard and Heloise.

A particular phrase stood clear from the rest of the novel, _All laws of equity in our case were reversed._ I stared long and hard at the quote, trying to torture some meaning out of it that did not reflect my own experiences. I flicked the page in desperation, then again and again and again, until another passage stood boldly in the middle of the page, _God knows I never sought anything in you except yourself: I wanted simply you, nothing of yours._

I slammed the book shut and closed my eyes in frustration.

After what seemed like the longest hour ever, English finally ended. I packed my things up slowly – much to my own annoyance – to go to fast might seem a little out of place. I knew that my whole school life was now going to be devoted to being a big fake pantomime.

I could hardly make my feet walk instead of run to music, but the last remains of my sanity reminded me why I should not sprint headlong.

He waited inside the music room, just after school had officially finished, as promised. I began to kiss him, and nothing felt quite like it; his soft, perfectly shaped lips pressed against mine – I was powerfully reminded of just an hour ago, when this – kissing him – was my ultimate goal. I was lucky enough to have seconds.

'We can't do this, there is no way on Earth this can stay hidden for nearly long enough' he said.

'Please. Yes we can. I love you.' I moaned.

'Yes but _I_ can't do this. You know full well I can't. What happened earlier... it shouldn't have happened, ever – I shouldn't even be here, I shouldn't have let myself...' he tried to explain further, but just ran one hand down his face as if there was a huge dilemma in the way, which was just impossible to solve.

'Then why are you still here?' I asked, though I certainly knew the answer. I knew why and so did he, I just couldn't get him to_ admit _it to himself.

'Don't.' He said sternly, forcing me into silence.

'Sorry.' I said, though I wasn't at all. I knew I pushed it, trying to get him to say it. Rejection flowed thick, hot and undiluted in my veins, pumping loudly through my heart, resonant through my whole body. Vicious thoughts filled my brain,_ he cannot love you if he won't admit it to even himself_, said a poisonous voice, and I simply brushed it aside. As true as it may be, the truth hurts, and I had already had enough of hurting over him, I didn't need any more. A small, futile tear spilled over. I slumped by the door, defeated. He paced across the room many times. Of all of the situations I had let my mind run over in the drab and dreary hours of English, this was the worst one, the one I didn't want to think about, but now I was forced to live through every single painful second of it.

After many torturing, agonizing minutes, he seemed to have come to a solution, a decision, however temporary. He sat with me by the door, and held my hand lightly. He squeezed it tenderly once, and then just let his hand fall gently on top of mine. After a few moments of assessing his mood, I leaned my head against his shoulder. It took a bit of stretching, but I was past complaining – I was with him.

He weaved his fingers down through my hair onto my waist. He stared into space, his mind elsewhere. He spoke as if he was talking to himself.

'What am I going to do with you?' He muttered.

'Stay.' I whispered through a broken voice, distorted with the sound of echoed cries and throbbing pain.

I felt his chest rise and fall, and I knew he was sighing. We stayed together in companiable silence for a little while longer. He angled his neck slightly, and leaned in to kiss me. My heart pounded – this was what I was waiting for.

His kiss was like a kiss from an angel, and so overcome with triumph and need for him, I kissed him back with probably more force than he expected, which threw him off balance, his careful guard thwarted, and suddenly we were becoming entangled; there was no going back now. His lips reached my jaw, tracing the lines of my ear to my collar bone. They were so warm and tender that I went weak at the knees in half a second, and if I wasn't sitting down just then, I would have fallen over. I couldn't stop my heart from pounding in my chest, my blood flowing rapidly in my cheeks, burning, making my face as red as ever. I lifted my hands from his and placed them on his shoulders, where I entwined them into the base of his thick black hair.

He lifted me up, still kissing, so that I was standing with him and it was a bit more comfortable. He paused for a split second, as if to decide to continue, then he surrendered once again, and pushed my back against the wall, kissing me more deeply that I ever thought possible. Now he was beginning to admit it to himself,_ he might just love you,_ whispered a triumphant voice in my head. He lifted my hands and pressed them back against the wall; I would have happily remained his prisoner.

I felt life in him, as if I was the air he needed to breathe. With more life came another surge of passion, another immeasurable moment. His hands released mine, and they quickly found their way back into his messy hair, his own pulled me tighter against him. I had to stretch on to the tips of my toes whilst he kissed the hollow of my collar bone, and then my throat.

'I love you,' I spoke softly when his lips returned to mine.

His lips become motionless again, 'I know,' he said. Wasn't exactly the response was hoping for, so I rolled my eyes briefly. _Sheesh, just admit it already!_ I thought impatiently. He resumed kissing me, much to my pleasant surprise. I no longer allowed my mind to think, but only to savour the sweetness of his scent, to savour the warmth of his breath, the softness of his lips and the warmth of his skin against mine.

I was his, and he was mine.

And so the dish ran away with the spoon.

**So there we go, another laboured chapter finished. I know it's not perfect, and I'm starting to have contingency issues but hey, it's a fantasy romance right? ;) new chapter soon?**

**And again (sorry) :**

**Please review this, this is my first fanficiton so** ** i need areas to work on too! and I'm open to ideas! Also please read on as there is gonna be a twist somewhere which even i dont know yet but woo anyway :D**

**also for the silly people out there, this isn't a true story, This was an idea i had a few years ago when i did have a crush on a teacher, and i just developed it into a story now :D **


	4. Ask:Reply Immediatley

**AWWWH wasn't it nice that they got together? Hehehe.**

**Just to reinforce, this is not a true story (but then you get the people that take everything literally) but an idea i had when i did have a crush on a teacher. now i've just written it in full for all you fantasists out there :D as always, ENJOY :D (also this chapter used to be very long so i had to chop it down ALOT)**

We sort of noticed when it began to darken outside, though I was not worried, because my parents trusted me to come home when I had finished 'Homework club', I told them at lunch. Merely as a precaution, I had also told them I may be sleeping over at a friend's house, just in case I didn't come home that night. Unlikely – I had already had an overdose of luck today, it wasn't likely I would get more and get to stay with him that night. I hardly even seriously considered the prospect.

'Hayley,' Craig said curiously. It was not the first time we had spoken, but we just weren't keeping up a constant conversation. We were comfortable in silence.

'Yes?' I replied breathlessly – my heart still pounded from having him close to me.

'This, what you said before – you won't... this won't – I won't...' he tripped over his words, not sure what ones to use. I knew what ones he was searching for though, and answered his wordless questions. I laughed lightly once at his attempts, and then proceeded to give him an answer.

'Yes, I meant what I said before: I will not tell a soul, and I do love you. No, I won't tell anyone, I will not give hints to even my pets; I won't mutter it under my breath or write it down on a piece of scrap paper, I can promise you that. This won't get out; no one will ever get to know about this. And of course, only you really know that you will not tell anyone or do anything that might jeopardise this, but whether you trust yourself or not to do that, or any of this, is up to you. Does that answer your questions?'

He chuckled once in response, 'Yes, indeed it does'.

'No one will ever know but us. It will be our little secret.' I smiled at him, implying that this would last long enough for it to count as a secret at the very least. There wasn't really a limit though as to how long it could go on for, I was far too focused on _now_ to worry about the future. I was just euphorically happy that I was with him now.

'You like the sound of "us" or "our", don't you?' he questioned me.

'Yes,' I said, 'And so do you'

'More than I should' he sighed and glanced at me, fighting a smile.

'I know. But I do like it, very much. Being with you makes me happy. I feel _right._ It feels right.'

He sighed light-heartedly 'True, you're right. I could say the exact same things back at you. Well, almost. Partly, yes, it does make me incredibly happy that you are with me, but it also makes me feel awful the more I am with you, because I know that you are _only a student_, you're so _young_... but I guess that was always part of the attraction, and vice versa for you. You probably initially liked the idea of having a dangerous relationship with sneaking around and all the secrecy, and then the idea of it being with me, an older, more mature person, someone more like you, the same interests. It just so happened that I fit that category... young minds...' he sighed again, and I frowned.

'The reason I liked you... well... for a similar reason.' He continued after noting the small crease in my forehead. 'I too, have always wondered what it would be like to have a relationship with a student, since the moment I was told that it was illegal. I imagined all the fiasco, but also all the sneaking around too, the hazard of being discovered, the adrenaline, the fear... But I never really found a student to ignite anything within me. Even when I met you for that first year, I didn't think you anything special – sorry,' He paused momentarily when he saw my expression, though I was mildly teasing him.

'I knew, what with me being a young male teacher in an all girls school, that a few would probably have some form of crush on me, and I dare say they fantasised about things I could never have even dreamed of.

'I cannot blame any student, though, for having such ludicrous ideas, and right now I'm feeling more insane than ever. I still hoped that I may find a student, just to see what it would be like, but of course, I was too sensible to ever follow it through, and plus a major part of me never really wanted to.

'So I saw you, as any other student, mature and become more sensible, and with every measure of time that passed, I became more unwilling, less 'young minded', less attracted to the danger side of a relationship. I was looking for something more _stable_, more meaningful. You caught me right on the turning point of liking the 'danger' element a lot, to being totally against it. Just in time.'

'Can I remind you something?' I interrupted

'Sure, what?'

'I'm sixteen, you are something-years my senior, you could hardly either of us "young minded"' I remarked.

'To someone nine years your senior, sixteen is still pretty young.'

'You're twenty five?' I said incredulously, my maths skills were pretty limited, but still.

'Yes. Why how old did you think I was?'

'Twenty one if I would have met you in some other place, but I knew that that's not really possible since you've been a teacher for a few years, so I guessed twenty three. Not that age matters, in this case. It's just a number,' I shrugged, dismissing the idea of any kind of boundary between us. 'Anyway, ignore me. Carry on,'

He smirked, clearly liking the idea of looking two years younger than he actually was, not that two years was a massive gap anyhow; it was the normal margin for guessing someone's age. I decided against mentioning this to him – as long as he was happy. 'So, where was I...? Yes, you caught me just in time and - '

'How?' I interrupted again, 'Sorry, but how? I never did anything interesting or out of place or out of line, and I'm struggling to understand, when exactly did you know? I thought I was fairly discreet about it.'

'Clearly not enough, though I knew what to look for.'

'Clearly.' I echoed.

He began his reasoning.

'I knew when – not so much in the first year, year... 9? Yes, that first year you were a student in my class, but I would assume, knowing your general character and behaviour in lessons or when I was near you merely coincidently, that you had _something_ in the way of a crush on me, but you hid it pretty well at the time, so it left me a little curious as to what exactly you might have felt for me. Am I right in thinking that you had a crush on me?'

I didn't reply, but my cheeks burned, so I buried them deep into his chest. I had paced my breathing exactly to his; I did not want to take a breath without him.

'I assume right, then' he half smirked, half smiled. 'I noticed more when you came back to my class in year 11, the beginning of this year. You would sit in lessons completely not listening, in a whole other world of your own. It made me want to laugh a little when I would see your eyes come back down from dream world and then almost kick-start back to the real world.

'What totally confused me was how you never appeared to be listening, but you always knew the answer to a question when I would pick on you deliberately because you had just been daydreaming. You would have noticed me roll my eyes on the rare occasion you didn't know the answer because you were so into your daydreams.

'I began to see you more around school, and that very first lesson after the spring break, just after your sixteenth birthday, which had been on the first day back – I saw a majorly different side to you. I no longer saw you as a young girl, but more a "young lady", older, more sophisticated, less in dream world.

'Unlike the other girls, you wore a minimal amount of makeup, but like the other girls, your hair was always beautifully done, always to elaborate for school, but somehow beautifully effortless. It worried me a little that I noticed so much about you. It really puzzled me how someone wore no makeup, especially if they were that concerned enough to clearly spend a while on their hair,' he shook his head, trying to get his head around what to me seemed simple.

'I was comfortable in my own skin,' I said off-hand. I saw no need to wear makeup now; there were far more important things than bits of ivory-tainted-fossilised-remains-of-animals. Plastic on my face never really seemed like an appealing idea in the first place. And I was kind of okay with how I looked naturally; I saw no point in covering invisible spots that I didn't have. Foundation just made me go all oily and spotty the next day and my eyelashes were irritatingly long enough already, but I was – essentially – at ease in my own skin.

'– Which was exactly the conclusion I came to after many hours of frustrating myself needlessly over it. I saw no rational reason why I would think so much about you, but I put it down to plain curiosity.

'So anyway, my conclusion was that you have respect for yourself, like you said, you were comfortable in your own skin. You don't feel the need to be perfect – not for anyone. For that, I admired you; it made you different, a style exactly right for you. You knew, you being you and me being me that I would notice. And, so, then, I knew.'

'You didn't say anything?' I said in disbelief.

'I saw no point. It would hassle you, distract you, and I wouldn't have wanted you to go through that, especially with your A–levels approaching, if you had to get moved to a new school or something because I had said something, I would have ruined your education, and I would never forgive myself. It wouldn't have been fair, because I had figured it out by myself and you had done effectively nothing in the way of initiating a relationship in any way at all.

'You are a talented girl Hayley, you make my teaching worthwhile.' He finished, and breathed out deeply from the relief of having told me at last.

'So now I understand why you noticed – how did you? How did you begin to like me? I'm plainly average in every way. Averagely skinny, average grades, apart from chemistry - '

'I wonder why,' He smirked

I shushed him and smirked back. 'Average hair, averagely pretty, averagely graceless, averagely bad at sports... I've never really been _good_ at anything.' I summarised

'Averagely talkative – I think not' he smiled 'I guess that was kind of the attraction really, you were normal, and for a girl your age, it was refreshing to have someone that wasn't fussed about being perfect. At this point I was, as I said, the tiniest bit naive – looking for the dangerous relationship. I found myself thinking about you more and more but I always denied that it was more than curiosity. Your name bounced around in my head most nights as if it were a spring, sometimes something you had brought up in class made me think differently about that something. As we had more classes together, I felt _something_ change, but I couldn't pinpoint what exactly, so again, I brushed it aside.

'I was marking one of your homeworks as bored as I had been any other day. Thoughts bypassed my mind, as did your name several times. Slowly, I realised what I had been ignoring so stupidly for so long.

'I knew that I almost had to find a way to be around you, be with you if I could. The naivety of my youth had now totally left me; it was irrelevant to what I felt now. I felt a strong desire to know more about _you_, what you day dreamed about, what was going on under the "average girl", it was inexplicable, perplexing, I guess you could say. I knew that eventually I would have to be with you, which was always the way it would turn out, you fancying me and me being in love with you. Look where we are now.' He finished, kissing me lightly on my forehead.

'It won't be easy,'

'I never said it would be, and I never said I wanted it to be.' He replied.

'I never said it would be either, and I don't care if it's easy or hard. I want to be with you regardless. I love you. I never went through the silly stage of having a crush, I just fell in love with you the moment I knew I even liked you. I ran as soon as I could walk.'

'Talking of walking, where do we go from here?' he questioned, bringing me back down to reality. Double meaning lingered in his voice, but like I said, I was far too focused on the present to worry about the future. We couldn't stay here all night.

Well, we could... my imagination spiralled wildly out of control at just the thought of us being here, together, all night...

I made myself focus again so he wouldn't have to wait for an answer. I didn't really have an answer, so I stated the obvious.

'Home is where the heart is.' _And my heart is with you_ I finished in my head.

'Classic,' he chuckled 'Classic, Hay. I say that we go my place, it's a bit more private and not too far away, though I would say call your parents first.' He said sincerely.

'No, its fine, they already know I'm probably going to be out tonight, I'm "at a sleepover", revising – naturally,' I said sarcastically.

'Well if you're sure...' he said. He sounded like he wasn't quite sure himself.

'Of course I'm sure.' I replied. I kissed him lightly on the lips to demonstrate a fraction of my certainty. 'Wait, won't other people be around? They'll see me getting in to your car, won't they?'

'All the teachers are in a meeting and I assume all the students would have gone home,'

'All the same...'

'We should still – always – be careful. I'm risking a lot, Hayley. I don't know if I'm even prepared to risk so much.' he doubted.

'If you don't think I'm worth the – '

'You are. You are, you are, you are. I do want to be with you but I don't want to suffer the consequences if this goes wrong, and you shouldn't suffer them with me.'

I suppressed a sigh. 'Look, we can do this and everything will be alright, no one will know, we just have to be... It _will _be hard.' I groaned and rested my cheek on one side of his chest, weaving my fingers round his and tracing his palm lines delicately. 'Though for now I don't care, I just want you.' I touched the side of his neck, tracing the lines where his blood pulsed beneath his skin, then curled my fingers around his neck and twisting so I could kiss him. My heart juddered violently from the shock of the electricity. He began to resist, so I wrapped myself tighter around him. His guard sank deep down into nothingness and after a few seconds he was kissing me back, intensely and avidly. _This_ was what he really felt, what he – what _we_ – wanted.

_Honestly, I know you better than you know yourself sometimes..._

After however long that kiss lasted, Craig helped me up the same way he had this morning, my palm outstretched into his.

We walked our marginally separate ways to his car, to ensure no one saw us together. The effort was wasted, I saw no one on my 'journey'. I say journey because it was hardly a walk when you keep finding ice to fall over on. I didn't know this at first, but his car was black and blended well into the darkness of the November light. It was only until he got out the car and called my name that I eventually found him. I turned and slid on a patch of ice, almost falling forwards. I managed to stumble my way across the dark car park until I found him. He held the door out for me as I slipped again.

'Are you serious Hayley?' Craig's eyes widened in disbelief as we got in the car.

'I know, I know, clumsy and all. Let's just pray I don't do something really stupid.'

'This is stupid, Hay,' Craig teased lightly, looking directly at me. I saw his eyes move in the same pattern as mine did; first the eyes, then the lips, then momentarily moved to the hair before returning again to the eyes. This was the first time I could really see him. I could see the way his eyes were not completely blue – they held lines of a light emerald green colour too. I could see the stubble on the surface of his jaw line, his skin pale in the ghostly pallor of the moon. I couldn't imagine a better person to love.

'I like it when you are like this, more Craig than Mr Mason.' I summarised lightly.

'I'm glad you think that, but then again I'm always myself around you. Talking of names, I've always wondered, do you get irritated when I call you Hay?' His eyebrows pulled together a little.

'I don't really care what you call me. You could call me Envelope and I still wouldn't care.'

'Envelope?' Craig widened his eyes again incredulously.

'It was the first thing that came to my mind' I shrugged. Though seriously? Envelope? What a crazy person I was.

'Craig,' I said.

'Yes, Hayley?' he smiled.

'Do you want my number?' I smiled back.

'Sure, go ahead,' He said, passing his phone to me.

'Nice. I-phone, cool,' I said very non-nonchalantly.

He laughed quietly with me as I saved my number into his phone. I didn't quite know what to save my contact name as. Obviously not as myself, there was only two Hayley's in my entire school and one was me, one was the angelic drama queen in year 7 – quite a personality, her. I didn't know what to do, so I turned to Craig. He suggested I should just make something up. So I did.

Envelope.

'Jesus, Hay.' He said, doing a comical one-handed face-palm.

'No, I prefer envelope.'

He made a short and sarcastic Ha-Ha-Ha before raising his eyebrows, proceeding to ignite the car engine. It hummed quietly. 'So I am texting an envelope telling it that I love it. Oh joy.' He tilted his head upwards and laughed to himself.

'Do you want my number or not?' I remarked.

'Of course, Hayley. I'm guessing you want mine too?' Craig raised an eyebrow.

'Sure,' I said positively beaming. 'Oh and just save yourself as Craig. I know loads of them, you'll blend right in. I've never know one like you. Actually, I've never know anyone at all like you. No one on this earth is like you.' He reached over so he could put my phone back in my pocket, our lips dangerously close again. I could feel the warmth of his body against my flushing cheeks, his breath flowing sinuously over my lips like a river.

'Hayley...' He sighed.

'What?' I whispered, my lips brushing against his.

'Not here.'

'No one _is_ here.' I reminded him. 'It's dangerous, and you like that. I know you do.'

'You know me too well.' Craig tried not to smile, but the corners of his mouth betrayed him excessively. 'Jesus, Hayley, anyone would think you are having a heart attack.'

I tried to listen to it, but I couldn't find it. I couldn't find any part of me. I couldn't _focus_.

'Maybe I am, maybe,' I slid my arms round his neck, bring my face ever closer to his, 'It's because I love you.' I kissed him properly again, my fingers knotting in his messy, short and soft hair. He kissed me back deeply and passionately; unthinkingly like it was some sort of instinct for him. I was so happy I couldn't care about anything or anyone but him. Like platinum happiness; this was the best it got.

'I love you,' I said breathlessly. 'I love you, I love you, I love you.'

I waited.

'Craig I know you love me. You know you do. Tell me, tell me now. I've heard you say it before when you thought I wasn't listening. You could say that didn't count. Say it; say it as it should be. This is perfect; I've never gotten better than this. Everything about this is balanced, we are just two people who are in love and nothing can change that.'

'I love you Hayley.' His eyes did not leave mine for a very long time. My eyes scanned his face rapidly to search for any signs of doubt, and I saw none. He really meant it.

'You do?' I said, unable to contain my happiness.

'Yes, of course. How could you doubt me?'

'You've never said it before.' I smiled at him ecstatically and basically threw my arms around him, the gearstick jabbing at my ribcage. I was well beyond caring. I smelt his neck, knowing I would never allow myself to forget it, never forget the warmth and taste of his bare skin beneath my lips. I adored it; I adored him. I placed a hand on the other side of his neck and stroked it whilst I buried my head into the place where his neck and shoulder met. I couldn't stop my hands moving over his cheekbones, through his hair as I kissed all that was accessible to me, right down to his collar bone.

'Hayley...' he said, sending low vibrations through his jugular, reverberating on to my mouth. Exquisite.

'Okay, okay, point taken, not here. Sorry. I'll be good now, I got carried away.' I pressed my lips together and backed off immediately to demonstrate my ability to go against my instincts.

He smiled and sighed. 'You weren't the only one who got carried away; you have no idea how that feels. I'm out of practice.'

'Has no one ever needed you like this before?' I said, nothing less than astounded.

'No, no one but you. Lets resume this conversation when we are at home, away from this goddam place.' He kicked the engine into full ignition, and it purred louder than before.

'Agreed.' I said – I couldn't mean it more; the apprehension in my voice wasn't hard to detect. Oh how I was so very hungry for more.

**Things are going quick now. Now obviously they're going to his and if you are a teen you'll know what next, but i wrote the chapter anyway :) give it a flick through, every view and review means a lot to a new writer! (as i'm sure you'd know)**** Twist still to come! :D )**


	5. Middle of Nowhere: Perfection

**Awh now isn't that sweet :3 so obviously theyre going to his, so no big surprises in this chapter but it all sets the scene. Mind you, this bit is easily skippable but theres some kissing and gooey stuff but i personally hate gooey stuff so review and follow, twist in next chapter!**

We drove and drove and drove, deep into the night, deep into our new life. I don't know what made the journey so long really. Maybe it was because this journey had more significance than any other in my entire life. Maybe it was because every nerve ending was connected to every other nerve so tightly that and movement that was made or detected sprinted through my body, causing my heart to beat faster, my blood racing all the way throughout my veins , heightening my awareness. Maybe it was because the most amazing person in the world, had his hand on my knee ever so gently, sending ten-thousand volts through my body every second.

He was a very cautious driver – he didn't miss a thing, and didn't seem distracted at all by my presence, though he clearly enjoyed it substantially.

It was good to have some time to think.

It was insane how time worked like this; just this morning I was normal, and now I was in an exceedingly dangerous relationship with a man I had adored from the moment I met him.

I mulled it over.

Relationship – no that wasn't the right concept, we needed something more, something to fit 'Craig and Hayley', something more permanent. We certainly weren't dating, and we certainly weren't the average boyfriend-girlfriend couple. He was more to me, so much more.

My anticipation had reached its climax long before the car pulled up onto his driveway.

'Hayley wait. There is something I have to do because I have always wanted to, so many times. Close your eyes.'

I did as I was told.

I could feel his eagerness in his breath that met mine; I could feel it like tsunami tides. His lips touched mine and with a marginal and motionless shock I realized he had never actually moved into kiss me first, well, never quite in control of himself like this. It was sweet and tender, long enough to be satisfying, short enough to conceive that there was more to be desired. I would always want more; it was a simple fact of my life.

I was very good - I moved with him, against my own instincts to not let him stop kissing me. I wouldn't push him like I had this afternoon, this was his choice, his risk, and I would be on my best behaviour to make him see how easy it would be for him to have both me and his work. It was possible. I would find a way and he knew it too.

The kiss ended, much to my disappointment.

'Craig, Craig, Craig. Everything is you. Please realize that.'

'Hayley. I beg one day I can say your name without your heart failing' Craig smiled

'It's not failing, it's winning.' I protested. 'Since the moment I saw you today, it's been winning. Since the moment I knew I loved you it's been running a marathon. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life so far. Can I have my go now? Actions speak louder than words, and I've been holding back on you quite a lot'

'Really?'  
'Yes'  
'It really doesn't seem like it sometimes.' he kissed me on the edge of my ear, sending shivers down that side of my body.

'Well then get me out of this car and I will show you how much I've been holding back.'

'Mmm... I wonder,' he murmured into my hair.

'What?' I queried.

'I wonder if you have quite realized how much I have been holding back on _you_.'

'I wonder too' I said, feeling marginally nervous. My heart fluttered and stuttered, then restarted going at the usual hundred miles per minute mark. Well, the usual since today.

'Insane, absolutely insane.' he muttered to himself.

'Mmm. Craig,' I paused reflexively and smiled. 'Craig, I will not ask you again. Get me out of this car.' I tried my hardest to be serious, but the edges of my mouth gave it away.

'So impatient' He said mockingly, touching my chin lightly. The car echoed in silence from the absence of the noise I hadn't noticed before. He climbed out his door first so by the time my hand was on the inside handle, he was already beginning to open my door.

'Impatient fool' I murmured, standing up out the car, my face dangerously close to his again.

'Inside, Hayley.'

'Yes sir.' I said coyly. He shot me a warning glance, though it quickly faded into a one sided grin, absolutely charming me into silence. It wasn't fair in the slightest.  
I followed him inside without much more fuss. I scanned the neat hallway  
'Where do I put my bag?' I asked. I didn't want to be rude and dump it on the floor, though that was near enough where my shoes were.  
'Just put it...' Craig scanned the room as well 'Over my shoulder.' he said equally as coyly.

'What? Oh.' I smirked and winked just like he did. I dropped my bag on the floor behind me (so what it wasn't over his shoulder? I got the meaning of it) and slowly walked over to him without even waiting long enough for either of us to think about what the hell we were doing, we were already kissing. I was letting go of everything and tying everything about myself to him. I kissed him breathlessly, grabbing him by his muscular shoulders to pull me closer to him, his hands clinging to my waist and my spine, sending loving shivers shooting through all my nerves. His hands worked his way up until he had one hand on either of my shoulder blades, then he moved them to press the backs of my forearms to the wall, either side of my head. I would remain his prisoner forever if it were possible. I let him have his fun - this was him forgetting everything sensible, everything within reason, and everything that came before insanity.

This was Craig in platinum mode, he was letting go, kissing my neck with a passion not far from violence, kissing my ear, the hollow of my throat, all the way along my collarbone. He released my forearms, prompting me to wind them back through his hair. His fingers pushed my hair back so that his lips could reach mine again.

'You have no idea,' he whispered softly against some part of my face - it was impossible to keep track if of him.

'Shut up and kiss me,' I used his hair to bring him closer to me yet again, not quite kissing until he tilted his jaw forwards.

'Perhaps...' he trailed off into suggestiveness.

'Try me' I said in-between kisses.

'What's the time,' he murmured. As much as I tried to continue kissing him, I was too confused by his question. I pulled away and frowned a little.

'I'm not going to lie hun, but that's a mood killer. It's 5 past seven.'

'Perfect.' He said, kissing me again.

Craig pulled away from me gently, though my eyes didn't reopen for his fingers were resting gently on them. He made my legs buckle under me and then I felt like I was almost gliding up the stairs. I didn't allow myself to think until I felt his hand on my face.

'Open' he whispered in my ear. Before I did, I allowed myself time to feel what was in front of me. It felt like a window was left open, and then a curtain was brushing the very edges of my face. I felt a finger travel down the back of my spine, under my blouse.

My eyelids fluttered, and then opened wide.

The sun was just setting in the west, directly out of the window, half concealed by trees and clouds, sending orange ribbons and streams of light dancing and exploding into the sky. The land below it was empty, just acres and acres of grass and trees. There was no indication it was owned.  
'Oh... Wow.' I gasped. No wonder the drive was so long, to find a place like this. This was why Craig was so calming, so at ease and relaxed.  
'I know.' He whispered directly into my ear. I half turned; slow enough to see the wall to the side of me, long enough to see it was covered in a mixture of photos and paintings I did not recognize as being a distinctive piece by any artist I knew.

'You paint' I stated, mesmerized by the bright colours in the paintings.  
'I do. It's a nice past time, when I have the time. Those to the left are from a few months ago, beginning of the Easter term. Those to the right are from a few years ago. They are a bit monotonous. Nowhere near as bright as the one on the easel at the moment.' The one on the easel was astoundingly beautiful.

But it was one of the paintings to the left caught my eye. It was very vividly coloured.

Her eyes were a beautiful green, complementing her brown hair, emphasized as having a warm red tint. Her pupils were dilated - a sign of loving. Her lips were a soft pink, though defined from the rest of her skin. Her long red nails rested curled up at the side of her face.  
I checked my nails. They showed flecks of red at the edges where I had removed it little less than two days ago. It was me.

'That girl,' I said, feeling him wrap his arms around my waist.  
'That girl, Hayley, is you. That's the way you are. Beautiful, bright, colourful, a daydreamer, and of course, in love. That's how I saw you, always like that in class. Completed no more than three days ago. And yes, when I said Easter, that was because of when I first remember feeling something for you.' He turned me around with his hands on my hips, and then he walked to the other side of the room, his hands in his neatly ironed trousers. He turned to face me.

'I love you, Craig.'

'Are you sure you want to do this Hay?'

'I'm sure, Craig. Of course I'm sure. Don't... Don't feel like you're taking advantage. I'm giving you the advantage.' I slid onto the smooth red sheets of the double bed. I saw his face thinking too hard. He was trying to go against everything that made him himself, trying to fit everything in front of him to logical explanation, and it just wasn't working.

'You know I love you too Hayley.'

'Well then stop thinking so hard about this. Just let your instincts take over. Tonight might be all we have, and if it is, and we do... Then we will know we spent it well, and that something might have been worth it for us. For you. I don't need this. I'm as happy as doing this with you or jumping off a cliff holding your hand. I honestly don't care, so neither should you.'

'You don't think it feels like that for me too?' he said, sliding on next to me, shifting so that his palms were under his head, and his feet crossed. I shifted as well so I could comfortably fit my body to his. He let the arm furthest from me slide out from under his hair, so that he could stroke my cheek with a feather light touch, before rolling onto his side altogether, propped up by his other arm. I shifted again so I could face him easily, basically mirroring him.

'After everything I've told you Hayley, everything I've so stupidly done, you still doubt me? Sex, Hayley Louise Pearson, was what you thought would make it worth it for us? You are miles out. You are what makes this worth it. Stupid, foolish mistakes happen, and if this gets out I will know I will blame no one but myself. This is my risk, Hayley, not yours. So precisely, I will not have you making any mistakes. If you think this is one... I'll spend all my numbered days in prison knowing I got there because I was with you. To me, that's a bloody excellent reason to be in prison.'

'But I don't want you to go into prison, I will not... I cannot let that happen to you. I mean, don't get me wrong,' I kissed him lightly 'I love you too and what you are doing is incredibly self sacrificing, but I can't live with the guilt of knowing I put you in such a dark place, jeopardizing your whole working life. You couldn't live with it either if some mistake happened,'

'What sort of mistake?' he queried, listening deeply to my reasoning.  
'Say my someone knew - hypothetically, and you were put in prison and I was thrown out of school, out of my home, out of friends lives because they called me a slag, not even as a nickname. What if they meant it?' I couldn't believe I was arguing something I truly believed in, though it was suggesting that tonight might really be all we had. 'You couldn't live with that, we both know it.'

Craig thought this over as did I. We were both thinking the same thing as we looked into each other's eyes.

'But if we both say we cannot live without each other, but we cannot deal with the others consequences of us doing what we want... So where does this leave us?' he asked.

'It leaves us with tonight at the very least, maybe until someone knows, but that would be...'

'Ludicrous to wait for that moment.' he finished. We both sighed.  
'Tonight, at least. And hey, there is more than tonight than sexing and sleeping. Who said we had to sleep, right? We have a massive field, it's dark, the roads are virtually dead quiet, and I'm assuming you have a picnic basket or something?' I suggested; very blasé.

'Always the creative thinker. Who said the night was for sleeping?'

We kissed again, but longer and deeper than before. We would make no plans tonight - tonight would take us where it was meant to, then it would make its next stop at daylight, back into reality and that would be it. Tonight was all we realistically had, and neither of us would waste a moment.

He grabbed a bottle of challenge out from under the bed.

'You have drink under you bed?' I asked incredulously.

'For good reason and personal pleasure. I hear on the grapevine - more like overly eavesdropping on your conversations, that you have some sort of thing for wine tasting, am I right?'

'As always' I muttered, swilling the glass delicately under my nose mockingly. I did indeed like wine tasting – not so much that I was an alcoholic, it was merely something I was good at.

'Here's to tonight, and us, however long either of those will last.'

'Indeed, here's to what you just said' we both smirked.

We both downed our glasses pretty sharpish, and then smiled and laughed for a short while at the way we both did it simultaneously and rather comically.  
'And do you know what?' I asked lightly. 'I prefer rosé' I finished, followed by one of his short laughs.

'Just as well I have that somewhere. But do you know what?' he said leaning over to kiss me. 'I bet you a tenner not one of us can handle our drink.' he smiled, though perfectly sober.

'You're on. Let's just keep it to that glass; it's all we need.'

'Agreed.' he said, kissing me again, carrying me deeper into the night.

**Erk soo another chapter done! corr i'm really churning them out! Might not get another one done for a while so follow this story...How on earth will they keep this a secret, now they are together? hmmm... does craig seem the faithful type to you? things have progressed very quickly for them, and are about to take a turn for the worst...**

**Hope you enjoyed it!**

**(So i know this is annoying but again: Please review this, this is my first fanficiton so any ideas/comments are always welcome :)**


	6. Liars Lie With A Good Morning

**OMG soooooooo new chapter! What happens when daylight comes?! what will they do? find out, right here! Bit of a shortie i know but i've been busy so forgive me :D enjoy! (p.s twist begins here! :D)**

**This still is just an idea i had when i was younger that i've now written in full for the fantasists :) love you all :)**

Needless to say, it was one of the best nights of my entire life. For once, we were almost just two ordinary people. I've never laughed so hard, spoke so much or felt so close to someone in my entire life.

My eyelids fluttered until they opened fully, the brightness stinging my eyes for many seconds.

I felt his left hand resting warmly and comfortably around my shoulder, his other hand holding mine flat on this torso. My head rested on his chest, and I listened to the rhythmic pulsation of his heart.

I closed my eyes again – I couldn't quite handle the morning, considering last night had just been amazing.

He must have felt the delicate movement of my eyelashes.

'Morning, Hayley.' He said softly against my hair.

I stifled a morning yawn and stretched for a few moments before I snuggled back into the warm circle of his arms. 'Good morning.'

'More like afternoon.' He laughed softly. I could feel his head turn to see his clock, then back to lean against my hair.

'Did last night...' My voice trailed off.

'Yes.' He replied. His voice was not as soft as before.

'You don't sound...' My voice trailed off again.

'No.'

'Can I ask why?'

'Look – it was amazing. It was brilliant and I loved every second of it and I couldn't have wished for it to be better,' he said.

'Really?' I interrupted.

'Yes. But I feel vile and what I did was absolutely despicable, I took advantage of you regardless of how you feel about that – regardless of how you feel about _this_.'

'I gave you the advantage.' I replied. I was beginning to get frustrated.

'That doesn't matter. This isn't a sports game, Hayley.'

'Yes it does matter.' I said defiantly, getting increasingly annoyed.

'It doesn't, Hayley. I've admitted it was great night. The best, by any standards, but – '

'But nothing.' I said. By this time, I was propped up on my elbow.

'But everything – '

'Was perfect.' I finished and sighed, letting go of my annoyance. 'I know this isn't exactly allowed – '

'It's as far from "allowed'' as possible.' He interrupted.

'_I know_,' I repeated, 'but no-one else can see us here. No one else saw us last night. It's just us.' I kissed him softly on the lips and he kissed me back, though after a few seconds, he pulled away. I was already feeling uneasy. The sting of rejection yesterday was all too clear to remember.

'Hayley, I'm sorry.' He slowly sat up and ran his fingers down through his hair and then he rested his face in his hands. 'I should never have... this is wrong. I'm sorry for what I've done. I've got to go Hayley, don't wait for me.'

My heart stopped.

Pleading was the first option.

'Please, Craig, don't do this. Not now. Craig...'

'I'm sorry.'

Words awaited in my throat, blocked by me almost choking in my emotions.

He got dressed quickly. I grabbed my clothes and began getting dressed. He was at the foot of the stairs before I managed to look presentable, still fussing with my clothes as I stood at the top of the stairs, and he heard me.

'Craig.' I said. It surprised me I wasn't pleading anymore. Maybe it was because I knew I had no cause to. Last night was real, and he loved me and we both knew it. Pleading wasn't going to make much difference.

He turned slowly to face me, his eyes closed until the very last moment.

'Hayley. No. I... I don't love you...it was...I lied. It was a mistake, Hayley, and that's all it will ever be.' His voice rose, though he still did not look me in the eyes. 'Grow up, will you?' his voice broke, followed by the slam of the door.

All thoughts in my head stopped. _This isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't happening_... I chanted, over and over. _I'll wake up and be next to him and this will work out differently..._

I could never understand before now why others had had suicidal thoughts, even less why they acted on them, over some lover telling them they didn't love them anymore.

Now, experiencing – living it, first hand, I understood all too well.

**so there it is. i won't have time do do any more for a while so why not just give me a go and follow me or something see if you like it or at least what has to come. What do you think of her first episode of dealing with Craig and his mind? the life? Is he lying, or telling the truth? **

**sorry it is a short chapter but i'm working on it! much love, my 27 readers, and you! Every view counts so thank you anonymous people! :D **

**And again (sorry) :**

**Please review this, this is my first fanficiton so** **_don't _be nice (well if you want) but i need areas to work on too! Still very open to ideas, drop me a PM if you've been in a similar situation but don't want to leave a review. For new writer like me every view and comment and review counts, please keep that in mind :)**


	7. If Kisses Killed I'd Be Happier

**So sorry the last chapter was short (at least, compared to the other ones) but from now on i only have around 5 minutes a time to work on a new thing so i figured i should keep people updated (not like i've got a lot of readers at the moment) but anyway, you're here for a story, not me blabbering. ENJOY :D**

I made my own way home that morning. I don't know how I managed. I may as well have been a hitch-hiker on the way back. Maybe i got into a car with a killer deliberately. Someone who would stab me in the heart. Someone who would use me. What a pity they hadn't killed me. Maybe I should have run into a road. Maybe then i would have thought this was death, and not the blinding pain of reality.

I didn't even know where home was - where _I was _right now. There were machines. Yes, there was definitely a machine. There was an irritating beeping noise close to me. Something hot and sticky on my chest, like sheets that stick to you when its a hot summers night, but it felt wrong.

My head felt flooded, flooded with emotion, flooded with fear and confusion. Flooded with pain. I was trying to stay on top of it, to rise above the murky water to notice what was real. But I couldn't. My eyes didn't _exist_. The blackness was almost comforting, in a peculiar way that made this seem much less real. Like a dream, almost. I couldn't see through this water. I couldn't see a way around this mud-like consistency. _I couldn't see._

I tried to feel for my eyes, to sense them somehow from inside my mind. Nada. Nothing.

I tried to find something else, my arms, my finger tips, my legs, my toes. Nada. Nothing.

I tried to find the source of the blood I could feel pulsating so violently through my body. _Ahh_, I moaned inside my head. _There it is. Maybe I am still alive._

This news brought no relief. It felt better to have _some_feeling, to feel a part of my body was still very much with me. But it didn't feel _good_. It was the wrong part. I didn't want it. Not any more. Not without him. Whoever 'him' was. No name, no face, just an echo of a memory.

My only measure of time was the beeping. Rhythmic. Soothing. Sometimes it increased, so fast that it was almost one continuous sound. Sometimes it was so slow, so very tediously slow.

I don't know how long the flood lasted, the pouring income of different senses from unknown places in my body, but some period of time later, the flood shifted.

It drained - no,_ evaporated_. It became clear, more like condensation on the base of windows in winter. Although I was partly grateful for some change, I still didn't want it. I could see though the veil now. I could reach through it, I could channel my senses, file them. The blanket on my body wasn't a blanket at all, it was smoother, lighter, kept disturbances in its shape. The beating of my heart matched that of the beeping heart monitor.

Oh god.

Stupid, stupid stupid _STUPID. _

I reached out further into my body and searched for something like a control tower, where I could control movement. I hadn't been able to move a while ago. Maybe I should try again, now the weight of the fog wasn't so heavy._ Ahh,_ I moaned again. This time it was good. How good it felt to have more control. To stretch my finger tips, to wiggle my toes. Odd sensations. _Nice_sensations. I could control them now.

I tried my eyes. One, two, three..._ Oh god no, ouch, no no no_, I thought in pain. _No, not yet._

Smell - it smelt clean. Too clean. Chemicals stung my nose, and that hurt too.

Sound - I focused on other noises . There were voices, real ones. None talking to me, no, I could sense I was surrounded by other people.

Taste - _ugh_, what was that?! It tasted like really awful morning breath. _Oh no. No. No no no._

Suddenly my body jerked to life instinctively, my hand grabbed the rails that I didn't know were even there. I felt myself contorting over the bed and that taste flow out of my mouth. Ew.

'Miss Pearson, Miss Pearson? Harriet? Helena? Henrietta? Halli? Halli, is that it?'

'Hayley' I corrected her. Odd that the movement of my mouth came instinctively.

The lady laughed. I tried my eyes again, they reacted faster this time, filtering the light before it became painful. Still, all I could see was a blur. White and a blue outline - ah yes, the nurse.

'close enough, love. Now I'll prop you up and take your blood just to check your sugar levels are high enough. You've had quite a night, love'_ Liverpuddlian accen_t, my mind labelled.

Confusion flooded me again.  
'At least I know where I am now. What happened? Who brought me here?'

She hesitated. 'Someone called Greg Mason.'

**oooooh, so who is Greg Mason? How did she get the the hospital? Will things return to the way they were?**

**nice new chapter for all of you with a twist that i didn't know was going to happen...brb, thinking of the answers to these questions ;) NEW UPDATE TO COME SOON**

**please review and let me know what you think. Always open to ideas :~)**

**-Suzy**


	8. No Clue, No Control, Just Sensory Memory

**so who is greg? ahaha you guys are so gonna hate me for this XD but yeah no sorry for the space between uploads, things have been hectic but ooooh weeeelll, qué será será :D**

Greg. Greg? Greg... I repeated it over and over. Mason fitted. I didn't know who the name belonged to, but it sounded familiar on my lips, sounded comforting to my ear. But what was the face? How well did I know them? Did it belong to the reason for the pain in my heart, or all over my body?

Greg - it sounded familiar yet again, but wrong.

'Sorry - who?'

'Greg Mason. You shouted his name under the morphine, a couple of hours ago'

'oh' I replied, baffled. 'Sorry... How do you spell it?'

'C-r-a-i-g'._ Oh, of course_, I thought_. That's a very strong Liverpool accent she's got there. Hm._

Craig. Craig Mason. Last night. Damn - why couldn't I remember last night. Again, I knew the name. Wasn't it this morning I had made my way to here? Or someone had delivered me here? Nothing made sense. Time has become incomprehensible.

'Craig. Craig Mason' I said aloud. 'Please, tell me what happened. Why am I here, what's wrong with me? Why is there a bundle of foil on my bed? Why can't I remember anything? What did Craig say? What's the time? What did he look like?' I suddenly had to make a conscious effort to breathe. I didn't want to black out again.

'He was tall. Black hair and blue eyes. Looked sad, and acted like he was your boyfriend, but I figured he was too old for you. He said he'd found you on the road outside his house. Weird place I'd never heard of. You were blue and shivering and stone cold. He wouldn't tell me much more, he just said he called an ambulance. Something else must've happened or you'd be dead right now -' she clamped her mouth shut and looked ashamed.

'please, continue, I want to know everything.' she reluctantly agreed.

'He rode with you and held your hand in the ambulance. The paramedics diagnosed you with severe hypothermia, guessed you'd been out there for several hours, you wore nothing except for something like a school uniform. It was varying from -1 to 2 degrees that night. You arrived here at just gone 12pm this morning. First case of my shift. Its now a little past half 10 am. You were heavily sedated under morphine and wrapped in foil. The hypothermia could have caused your amnesia, but we don't yet know how far back you can remember, nor do we know how long this will last. It's amplified by the morphine, so you should be able to remember more over time.' she paused and smiled warmly. 'that's all I know, love.'

This could not be happening. Was last night a hallucination? I could not for the life of me remember what had happened, but i was gradually gathering more information. I remembered it involved _him._ Was _him, _Craig Mason? Mr Mason sounded more familiar...so why would I remember his first name? No, that wasn't right, _couldn't_be right, but what other explanation was there? A teacher...my lover...NO!

'I'm getting out of here.' I announced to the nurse boldly. Ugh, how delusional I must have sounded.

'Now now, I need to take your blood sweetie. Can't go anywhere.' She pushed me gently but forcibly back down onto the bed.

I felt it rise within me, and I apologised in my head for my future actions.

'GET OUT OF MY WAY BITCH' I yelled, shoving her hand off my shoulder. I disconnected all those fiddly wires, noticing that I still had my uniform on. And - I'll never know how or why, but my chocolate brown bag was at my bedside. Was this from Craig?

The machine went wild, and I didn't care.

'What are you doing?!' Shouted the nurse. How bad I felt. But I needed this - I needed answers. Now. She struggled to move me back to the bed, but it was too late. I was already up, and with my bag, I was ready to go.

'MOVE' I yelled as I started to push past her. She didn't budge. More force was needed. Guilt surged inside me. but I pushed it aside.

'You can't just go!' I could tell she was really at her limit of trying to keep calm. Ugh, what a battle this was going to be.

Somehow I saw a loophole in her defence, and I had dodged straight past her. Even to this day I can't remember exactly how. Funny, because getting out of there was in a way one of the most dramatic times in my life. At least, so far. Anyway, by the time she'd noticed what had happened, I was already at least 5 yards in front of her, walking towards an exit. I say exit...I got lost several times.

'YEAH I CAN!' I yelled behind me, walking down the corridor. 'I'M DISCHARGING MYSELF AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!' Not a glance backwards did I spare. I felt guilty but oddly smug. A strange but sadistically satisfying feeling.

Several corridors later, I stepped into the sunlight of the outdoors. Disorientated, I began a long and barley durable walk. All the way to the address written inside a note. The writing was very vaugley familiar. Maybe it was Craig's. Maybe it was mine, maybe it was Kesley's.

Only one way to find out.

**so Greg doesn't exist, just a confusion after all (sorry for the anti climax guys)...more twists (actual twists) to come though... hehehe ;)**

**So now it looks like she has retrograde amnesia. Will it wear off? Where the hell is she going to go now?**

**More importantly, how awkward will it be when they go back to school if they dare risk it?**


	9. 18 hours Of Nothing

**OKay just to clarify I don't even know where she's heading, so now hints are being given or whatever, just to be annoying ;) I think with things like this you have to follow where the character goes and not where the story goes, or the characters are never true to themselves and it's all forced. Actions have to be within the characters personality.**

**I'll admit, though, I'm loosing driving force for this. I like writing the story but with no favourites/reviews/follows (apart from my BFF's) it's harder to carry on. I think this will be my last chapter, at least until i get a specific request for another, in which case i will update ASAP.**

**So, here, enjoy this one :)**

I knew, somewhere in my confused mind, where I was heading. Yes, sensory memory dictated that. My feet did not follow concious instructions. They just moved, one foot in front of the other, causing my to bounce along to the beat of Maroon 5's This Love. Oh, what a beautiful old classic.

I tried to pin point my last memory. I thought back to yesterday. I was in chemistry, the smell of dust and...and ammonium...ammonium something. Something like stink bombs. Blank.

I remembered Alex. Alex...my deluded 'boyfriend'. He'd tried to kiss me and- _oh._ A...a gorgeous figure suddenly destroyed my ability to think and to reason and to speak. _ Mason. That was him. _

We'd talked outside. Blank.

We'd kissed. Blank.

We'd gone some place to talk about this. Another blank in my memory. It frustrated my that I couldn't remember what either of us had said.

I tried doing the math. I had known that we'd left after school. I'd obviously gone to his house, or how else would have have found me? That must have been between 3.30 and 5.00. The time now was roughly 11.00. So... so that was 18 hours, roughly, of my memory, completely gone.

First, I had to talk to Kesley.

_Need to talk to you you. Somethings happened. - HP._

_Why? Why the hell would you want to talk about now. You made everything pretty clear last night. - KM._

What the hell? What must I have said to her?

_Problem - I can't remember last night. -Hayley Pearson._

_Yeah, right, sure. Quit acting all innocent. - Kes Mandon._

_Where are you anyway. You're missing chem. - Kes Mandon._

_2days Friday? Chemistry 2nd period? I was walking to your from Stanfordbury City Hospital. Just woke up there. On my way. - Hayley Pearson._ FML. Chemistry, of all lessons. At least I would be able to talk to him, get some more answers.

_Maybe you really do have a mental problem right now. You'd never miss chemistry if you were any degree of concious. Not like he's here today anyway. I'll talk to you later, Ms Grumpybum is approaching. Sorry for attacking you just now. - Kes Mandon._

_No problem. Talk in free. -Hayley Pearson._

Holy what-the-crap.

What the hell had I said to her? Why wasn't he teaching? Had something happened to him too? How can I not remember anything?

_THINK, HAYLEY, THINK. _I screamed at myself. In 18 hours, so much had changed. The most important 18 hours of my life and I had forgotten them all.

Hmph. Awkward mid-street turn around.

**Poor girl. Diddums :'( Also, sad news for you readers. Free time is rapidly decreasing, so i won't be posting anymore unless i get some specific requests. Sorry but thats the way it is :( I've loved writing this but I don't really want to waste my time when i actually have homework to do, so like i said, unless there are any specific 'OMG post another chapter plz' requests, i will not be uploading :(**

**But, of course, if there is even just one request, i will update ASAP, because i'd know i'd want someone to do the same.**

**This isn't my last fanfic, though, just my last chapter so far on this story :) **

**Thanks for reading this far :)**

**Goodbye from Hayley :)**


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